Monday, June 28, 2010

Mortality Again

Losing all of ones personal files off a laptop may be a serious psychological blow. Retreating to the est model of 1s, 2s and 3s, this definitely triggers a 1. That model was ridiculously stark and austere by the way, like the training itself.

I'm crying inside about some of what I've lost.

I am grateful for my life and the people in it.

Loss is an occasion for suffering which is a manifestation of love. Attachments are not bad, just potentially painful.

Losing my dad so suddenly on October 13, 2000, was very hard. I flew to Lesotho to close out the estate. Mom was in the hospital in Bloemfontaine and not expected to live. She helped me manage from her hospital bed, so many bones broken.

I am proud of myself for holding it together under duress, could not have done so without my community. Eugene Norcross-Renner offered to accompany me, an offer that touched me deeply even though I ended up going alone. Gayle helped me get a plane ticket on short order. Dawn kept things running for the month I was gone.

Annis and George Bleeke, who were planning to visit for Annual Session, which my parents were organizing, came to this tragic scene and helped me organize the estate sale and off-load a lot of stuff (I shipped other stuff back to here).

I am proud of my sister for flying out to take over nursing mom back to where she could travel.

Losing my wife Dawn to breast cancer was also all about community, for both of us. She prayed her death would be a healing. She lived bravely and brought joy to many.

Someday I will need to surrender this body. Like many who contemplate their own passing, I don't want to leave a lot of hassles and loose ends.

I'd like my love to live on, my gratitude to my community.

Thinking also of Ed Applewhite, George Hammond, John Talmadge, and Elise Boulding.